She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
