sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
