I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
