And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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