I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
