just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just forgot I was standing up.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
