You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
