she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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