She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
