Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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