All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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