I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
