I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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