No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
