I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize