Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Randomize
