Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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