id be glad to
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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