Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize