If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
