I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize