Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
