I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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