You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I take back everything I said about communal showers
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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