So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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