if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Drunk is not a location!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
