She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
