I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
