Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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