dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
