in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You brought string cheese to the strip club
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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