This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think my moral compass just broke
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
