so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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