It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
