seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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