had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
