Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
