he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
