I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
