I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
