you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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