Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize