I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
