when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
