There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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