Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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