Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
