Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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