I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
