So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
