3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
from now on my penis is your penis
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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