I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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