do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
