ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
