I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Randomize
