When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
