I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
