I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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