The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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