First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
