The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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