Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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