So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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