so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
