her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
