tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
