Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
