before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
