An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize