HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize